For most of my life, I’ve had an aunt with post-polio syndrome, so you would think I would have a fairly firm grasp on what it’s like to be disabled. It’s actually only been since my wonderful Aunt Karolyn died and I developed parkinsonism that I’ve begun to understand the day to day hardships that come with an obvious physical disability.
Although my balance is poor and I have unpredictable spasms in my left foot, I do not use a wheelchair or a walker. My tremors, however, are quite obvious. I have sat in restaurants, struggling to eat or get a straw into a paper cup, and gathered quite a few stares. I’ve had well-meaning people tell me to get back inside, I must be freezing! More often than not, people tell me that I don’t have to be nervous, as if I’m trembling before them out of fright.
I’m sure I’m not the only disabled person who has trouble liking her body. Sometimes it feels like my nervous system has betrayed me, like I’m less than a healthy person. I’ve learned some things about self-love and self-esteem through therapy and friends, though, and if you’re going through what I’m going through maybe this will help you as it seems to be helping me.
Self-love begins with self-care. I know when you’re depressed sometimes it gets tempting to just stay in your pajamas, skip your shower and even skip brushing your teeth, but that is not good for your self-esteem. You might think that you don’t care, but when you look at yourself and see someone who hasn’t been treated well you’ll start to believe you don’t deserve to be treated well.
Bathe. Brush your teeth. Use the moisturizer. Put on makeup if you want. Get into clean clothes that fit you. How do you feel? Like a person? It’s a start. It isn’t like flipping a switch, so I’ve been doing it every day, reinforcing the idea that my body deserves all of this self-care. It isn’t broken or defective, too curvy or too pale. It’s a beautiful vessel for a sharp mind, kind heart and beautiful soul.
Self-Care To-Do List For Tonight & Tomorrow
1. Have a couple bottles of my favorite Hint water
2. Shave
3. Take a shower complete with nice-smelling shower gel, facial exfoliant, and scalp mask
4. Brush my teeth
5. Get into clean sleepwear and get some quality Zzz’s
6. Wake up early for IOP
7. Wash my face and brush my teeth
8. Get into clean clothes
9. Take a brief nap after IOP, especially if the topics are emotionally strenuous
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| Putting a Little Makeup on to Lift My Mood |
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